Are you a people-pleaser? Think about it.

We all know people who spend their entire lives trying to please everybody. They work at it night and day. But do they succeed? Where does it get them?

There has been a lot written lately about being oneself, please self first and then have time for others. I agree with that partly. We do need to take care of ourselves and get enough rest and eat properly and get enough exercise. Otherwise we do not have the energy to take care of others. But for real people-pleasers, their only thought is to be liked by everyone.

Let me tell you that it is okay to say “no.” Being a people-pleaser can be exhausting. Stop and consider what pleases you for a change. You might be surprised how much others like you anyway. Channel your energies into what brings you happiness and results.

We each have a unique way of doing things that separates us from a crowd. Be ready to put things into play that will make your life better. Personal growth, enlightenment and working to ease stress will lead to peace of mind and your life will be better and more enjoyable. Let go of the past and having to satisfy everybody, and your life can move forward.

It is a people-pleaser’s aim to use their insight, experience, knowledge and skills to prove something and show the world that they are worthy. But change that! Resist change. Seize the opportunity to show others what you have to offer that is original and helpful. They will eventually see that you don’t need to prove anything to anybody. Just be yourself and let them know how wonderful you are as your own person.

Never let a discussion turn into a debate. You are better than that. Do your best to keep peace and avoid a feud that can disrupt a friendship. A compromise may not be ideal, but it will help you avoid regrets. As Dr. Phil often says, “Do you want to be right or happy?” We do not have to please all the people all the time. Just be happy and everyone around you will do the same. Keep any ugly thoughts to yourself. If you say something while under emotional duress, you will look back with remorse. Be a good listener and take the time to sort out what matters most. That will please not only others, but yourself (the people-pleaser).

If you are a leader at some function, you will get the help you need and required if you team up with somebody who shares your beliefs and sentiments. Take your time when dealing with work-related matters. Make decisions based on facts. Don’t let anybody tell you, “We have never done it this way before.” They can tell you, but things can change ... and it may be up to you to show a more efficient and practical way to accomplish things better. There is always room for improvement.

Explore the possibilities and learn all you can to ensure you make good decisions. Take the path that leads to knowledge and experience. Be honest and do what makes you happy.

It seems to me that being a people-pleaser comes from within ourselves. It is because of some insecurity or something. They have to constantly prove themselves over and over. Maybe it is because they don’t feel good about themselves sometimes. I feel sorry for those who need constant compliments to feel appreciated. Whether you like me or not, I am okay. I am sure of my knowledge and am pleased with the way I was raised and accepted into this wonderful world. I may not be great at everything, but I give it my best and that is good enough.

Ask yourself if you are pleasing to God. Ask yourself if you are loved by your family.

Ask yourself if you are pleasing to yourself and the way you live. Would you change anything? Would you be any other way than what you are? Would anything else make you happier or content? If we answer these questions honestly and believe in ourselves, then what else matters? Do we have to prove ourselves to everyone else all the time? You are sufficient. You are loved. You are a Child of God.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are the only you in this world. You are unique. There is absolutely no one like you and never will be.

After all this “preaching” I still want to add this bit of wisdom. Forget pleasing others, forget pleasing yourself and do everything to the glory of God. You will feel like this little poem:

“Lord, help me live from day to day / In such a self-forgetful way / That even when I kneel to pray / My prayer shall be for OTHERS.

“Help me in all the work I do / To ever be sincere and true / And know that all I’d do for you / Must needs be done for OTHERS.

“Let “self” be crucified and slain / And buried deep, and all in vain / My efforts be to rise again / Unless to live for OTHERS.

And when my work on earth is done / And my new work in Heaven’s begun / May I forget the crown I’ve won / While thinking still of OTHERS.

“OTHERS, Lord, yes OTHERS / Let my motto be / Help me to live for OTHERS / That I may live like Thee.” (Harry Emerson Fosdick)

Just enough room for a fall recipe that is certain to be people-pleasing.

Pumpkin Pie Dessert

1 package yellow cake mix (reserve 1 cup)

½ cup melted butter

1 egg

Mix these three ingredients and press into 9-by-13-inch sprayed dish.

1 regular can pumpkin pulp

½ can milk

2/3 cup sugar

2 eggs

2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

Mix rest of ingredients and pour into dish over cake mix.

1 cup reserved cake mix (dry)

¼ cup sugar

½ teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

¼ cup butter

Mix as pie crust and sprinkle over pumpkin mixture. Bake 50 minutes at 350 degrees.

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Goodrich writes a weekly column for the Enid News & Eagle. Send your comments to: Peggy Goodrich, Food For Thought, P.O. Box 1192, Enid, OK 73702.

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