The Enid News and Eagle, Enid, OK

November 19, 2013

Will Rogers Daily Telegrams 11-19-13

By Will Rogers
Enid News and Eagle

ENID, Okla. — MAYOR ROGERS COMMENTS ON OFFICIAL ‘MURDER BY THE QUART’

BEVERLY HILLS, Cal., Dec. 31, 1926 — I see the government has worked out a plan to fix the liquor that they sell the bootleggers from the warehouses so it won’t totally exterminate the ultimate consumer. Even the prohibitionists are in favor of diluting it, as it depleted their ranks during the holidays.

Something has to be done. You want customers that will live at least for two or three sales. Governments used to murder by the bullet only. Now it’s by the quart.

P.S. – Read Judge Gary’s message to the country on optimism.

*****

WILL ROGERS FINDS MEXICO FAIR IN THE MATTER OF EARTHQUAKES

HOLLYWOOD, Cal., Jan. 2, 1927 – See where America and Mexico had a joint earthquake. That’s the only thing I ever heard that we split 50-50 with Mexico.

Lucky for Mexico that she didn’t grab off more of the earthquake than we did or she would have got a note from Kellogg.

It’s the influence from Moscow that is causing all this earth’s upheaval.

Yours for reciprocity in earthquakes, Mayor Rogers.

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WILL ROGERS NAMES CHAPLIN AS HIS LIEUTENANT MAYOR

GALLUP, N. M., Jan. 3, 1927 – In the Mayor’s much regretted absence from Beverly Hills, I hereby and hereon do this day appoint as Lieutenant Mayor Charles Spencer Chaplin, who is temporarily out of a wife, and can therefore devote all his humor to the office.

I want also to thank my beautiful town for the law-abiding spirit in which they acted during the holidays. We did not lose an inhabitant by death, which proves conclusively that the Eighteenth Amendment was strictly adhered to. We can behave ourselves better than lots of more moral towns can.

Going back to Claremore. His later Honor,

P.S. – Let me know how Aimee and Asa come out. Want also to thank everybody who so kindly came out and got pneumonia on the day of my arrival in the land of perpetual sunshine.

*****

MR. ROGERS ON POISON RUM AS A WEAPON IN OUR NEXT WAR

DODGE CITY, Kan., Jan. 4, 1927 – Talk about America being unarmed and unprepared for the next war. Why, say, we are setting pretty.

Give the enemy a party the night before the war starts and serve Government booze. Government statistics prove they are running about five funerals to the quart.

If you can’t make ’em obey, kill ’em.

The rambling Mayor,

P.S. – And we are the country that wants to outlaw poison gases in war, for humanitarian reasons!



Enid News & Eagle is republishing Will Rogers’ daily syndicated column, Daily Telegrams, in chronological order. The collection was edited and republished by Oklahoma State University Press in 1978 and under copyright of the Will Rogers Memorial Commission.