By Will Rogers
Enid News and Eagle
ENID, Okla. —
WILL ROGERS SAFE IN CHICAGO AND HOPEFUL AT LAST BULLETIN
CHICAGO, Ill. — Nov. 23, 1926. It’s 9 o’clock now and I am still alive. There is one chance in a million. If I make it through the night I’ll be a second Mussolini. Hoping against hope.
P.S.: Box score for today: Died by gunshot and other natural Chicago causes, 13; wounded, 23. Bad weather kept outdoor shooting down to a minimum.
WILL ROGERS GIVES ADVICE ABOUT THANKSGIVING DINNER
LIMA, Ohio — Nov. 24, 1926. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, for no reason at all. The more turkey you eat at dinner the less hash you will be bothered with the rest of the month.
This is the biggest bean town in the world. They don’t make ‘em any bigger than Lima’s.
Ain’t it lonesome since the Queen left
WILL ROGERS FINDS HIMSELF THE SOLE TOURING CELEBRITY
PITTSBURGH, Pa. — Nov. 25, 1926. Marie, the migrating monarch, has walked out on us. That leaves nobody touring America but me.
I get over pretty big in little towns like this, where they never saw a queen. Most days here they can’t even see each other.
Ford’s man and Sam Hill are tying to get on my train now, but I don’t want to ride from the depot in one of those. America’s sole tourist.
P.S.: Say, what do you know about my old friend Governor Brandon of Alabama Alabama votes twenty-four quarts for Haig and Haig.
ROGERS FINDS A VOTING PRICE FOR FOOTBALL TICKETS
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Nov. 26, 1926. All tickets for Army-Navy game tomorrow in Chicago were taken by Congressmen and Senators. They are getting as high as 100 votes a seat for them. Football is in the pork barrel, too.
Yours for the lowdown on public servants.
INDIANA WON’T EVER BE THE SAME, ROGERS SAYS AFTER WHAT CARNEGIE TECH DID TO NOTRE DAME
INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. — Nov. 27, 1926. Carnegie Tech and I both hit Indiana today and she will never be the same old State again.
She was just beginning to pull herself back together and get the last of her Florida stragglers back and everything was going fine when Notre Dame, the State’s one best ad, went back to Pittsburgh and “Andy’s Boys” jumped on ‘em in the first period and did the black bottom on them the rest of the afternoon.
Say, I wish you could see the old State tonight. It hasn’t been as blue since the night Jim Watson was elected.
Old Abe Martin (Kin Hubbard), who is sitting here by me, can’t even think of a “saying,” and George Ade’s golf course is “to let.” It’s the worst thing that has hit Indiana since the Klansmen run out of sheets.
The Army and Navy got a draw in their civil war. Chicago was so busy looking at the uniforms of the cadets and middies that they didn’t see the game at all.
They played a tie and if Dawes hadn’t gone to sleep he could have cast the deciding vote.
Longworth, Ritchie, Lowden and Dawes represented the next President. Mayor Walker came to the Far West for the first time to see the cowboys and Indians.
Yours from the sandbanks of the Wabash,
Enid News & Eagle is republishing Will Rogers’ daily syndicated column, Daily Telegrams, in chronological order. The collection was edited and republished by Oklahoma State University Press in 1978 and under copyright of the Will Rogers Memorial Commission.