The Enid News and Eagle, Enid, OK


December 20, 2012

It’s the end of the world — again

ENID, Okla. — We knew it couldn’t last.

The timing is rather unfortunate, however, coming as it does right before Christmas. Why couldn’t it wait a couple of weeks, when it is time to take down the decorations and start paying all the holiday bills?

Why can’t it be postponed at least until New Year’s morning, when your mouth tastes like old socks, your head is pounding and the country has been pushed over the “fiscal cliff?”

But no, it has to ruin Christmas. The end of the world is no fun.

This is it, this is all there is, there ain’t no more. Some time today, the Mayan apocalypse will set in, and Earth and all the creatures living upon it will cease to exist.

It’s not known exactly what time this is supposed to happen, so I’ll keep this short to give you more time to prepare.

The Mayans did not have wall calendars featuring photos of healthy young ladies in small bathing suits or those tear-off calendars sporting photos of cute kittens. Instead, they carved these huge stone affairs featuring dozens of hieroglyphs. Those must have been hard to gift wrap and pure heck to hang on the wall in the kitchen.

At any rate, the Mayan calendar ends today. Thus, the world is coming to an end. Makes sense to me.

So, are you ready? Marketers are, it seems. In the Russian region of Siberia, a company has been selling end-of-the-world survival kits, containing medicine, soap, candles, matches, vodka, a can of fish, a pack of buckwheat, a notepad, a deck of cards and a rope.

A Mexican company is marketing a doomsday kit called “Just In Case,” which includes matches, a knife, water for 10 days, traditional Mexican cinnamon-laced chocolate, a notebook and pencil and some “Mayan liquor,” to mellow you out.

Here in this country, the Jell-O folks have created a commercial in which cases of Jell-O pudding are offered as a sacrifice to the Mayan gods in exchange for sparing the world. Heck, it just might work, especially since they are offering chocolate pudding.

Carl’s Jr., the burger chain, is offering a special apocalypse sandwich, a 12x12x12 burger, featuring a dozen beef patties, 12 bacon strips and a dozen slices of cheese. Eat one of those, and you will welcome the apocalypse.

The Keating Hotel in downtown San Diego is offering $666 end of the world packages, which include a massage, complimentary in-room movie, cardio training, a sunset sailing adventure, a fitness boot camp (to help fight off zombies) and a final meal.

Russians are worried about the Mayan apocalypse, so worried, in fact, that the Russian government stepped in and issued an official statement.

Vladimir Puchkov, the minister of emergency situations, said he is sure the world will not end today and that he has “access to methods of monitoring what is occurring on the planet Earth.” That’s easy for him to say; he’s probably got one of those Siberian survival kits.

In China, 500 people were jailed for spreading rumors about the Mayan apocalypse. If the world is to end, the Chinese government wants it to be their idea, I guess.

So where are you going to be when the world ends? Thousands of people are expected to flock to a pyramid-shaped peak in Serbia, Mount Rtanj. The mountain supposedly once housed a wizard guarding a great treasure, though more recent rumors connect the mountain to space aliens. A hotel near the peak reported 500 people trying to book a room in one day.

In Bugarach, France, thousands of believers are descending on a mountain believed to have been visited by UFOs. Rumor has it the mountain will be spared from the apocalypse.

Others are flocking to the planet Yavin 4, or at least its movie stand-in.

The ancient Mayan city of Tikal in Guatemala represented Yavin 4 in the movie “Star Wars: A New Hope,” from which Luke Skywalker and Han Solo launched their attack on the Empire’s Death Star.

Of course, we’ve heard it all before. Radio preacher Harold Camping predicted the world would end May 21, 2011, and when that didn’t happen, he re-adjusted his doomsday prediction to Oct. 21 of the same year. Uh huh.

Pat Robertson predicted the world would end in 1982, while Nostradamus said it would all come to a halt in 1999.

The world will end, someday, but no one knows when. Why we spend our time worrying about it is beyond me.

Life is short. We need to enjoy every day we have on this Earth, and make the most of our time here.

But it might be a good idea to have a little chocolate pudding, just in case.

Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle. Email him at

Text Only
  • Jeff Mullin mug 2012.jpg State of the state: Things are not as good as they could be

    Draper wants to split Cali up into six separate states — Silicon Valley, around the San Francisco Bay Area; Central California, including cities like Bakersfield; West California, including Los Angeles and its suburbs; South California, including San Diego; North California, centered on Sacramento and Jefferson, in the far northern part of the state.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Voters have decisions to make in August races

    Democrats will have two runoffs to decide. One will be choosing their party’s nominee for state superintendent. Freda Deskin will face John Cox. The winner will face Republican nominee Joy Hofmeister in the November general election.
    The other race is for the party nominee to replace retiring U.S. Sen. Tom Coburn. Jim Rogers will face Connie Johnson. The winner will face Republican nominee U.S. Rep. James Lankford in November.

    July 22, 2014

  • Going postal

    Waukomis residents have the opportunity to have their voices heard in regard to the future of their post office.

    July 22, 2014 1 Story

  • New dorm

    Breaking ground on a new dormitory at Northern Oklahoma College Enid is another step in the evolution of the campus.

    July 20, 2014 1 Story

  • Jeff Mullin mug 2012.jpg Stars in our eyes

    We caught the vision when, in May of 1961, John F. Kennedy told Congress, and the world, that the space race was no longer to be so one-sided.
    “First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth,” he said.

    July 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • thumbs up logo.jpg Thumbs up for northwest Okla. communities, where net taxable sales figures are up

    Net taxable sales were up $1,917,774 in Enid, when compared to sales reported in July 2013. The increase amounted to a 2.6 percent increase in sales tax revenue for the city.

    July 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • Patsy Sorrels.tiff The key to God’s storehouse is in the giving

    Point being, there are a lot of hungry people out there who need to be fed the Bread of Life, and He needs to be served with a smile and a discerning heart.

    July 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • David Christy col. use clip.jpg Water, water everywhere?

    As Americans, we have taken water for granted far, far too long. We assume it will always be there, when we turn on the tap.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Sheriff’s office, emergency management get new home

    The sheriff’s office and emergency management office will move in October or November to the former Grady Robbins Army Reserve Center on Oxford. The building has been unused since 2011 when the Armed Forces Reserve Center opened at Vance Air Force Base.

    July 18, 2014

  • Jeff Mullin mug 2012.jpg Airline passengers should not be casualties of war

    Nowhere in the flight attendants’ patter did the word “missile” appear, and the chance their gleaming Boeing 777 would be brutally slapped from the sky likely never even appeared even as a niggling doubt lurking in the darkest corners of the passengers’ minds.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

Featured Ads
House Ads