The Enid News and Eagle, Enid, OK

January 1, 2014

Will Rogers Daily Telegrams 1-2-2014

By Will Rogers
Enid News and Eagle

ENID, Okla. — ROGERS TAKES HIS OATH ON THE SUBJECT OF DAMS

TUCSON, Ariz. — March 2, 1927. Arizona says dam California; if they want a dam let ’em dam their own river as much as they dam please, but Arizona bedams if she is even going to split a dam so dammed bad; let ’em dam their climate or dam Frisco or dam something. Why pick on us to dam? We don’t want to be vulgar, but in plain words, dam California. But they are not going to dam us or Arizona’s Colorado River at any dam place, any dam time. And our dam senators will tell the dam world as long as they have a dam bit of breath left, so that’s the whole dam business in a dam nutshell.

This is from the dammed best mayor in Beverly Hills. — Will Rogers.

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MR. ROGERS SURVEYS THE NEWS AND FINDS IT WARLIKE

TUCSON, Ariz. — March 3, 1927. Captured boat from China, landed more marines in Nicaragua, sent new demand to Mexico.

Looks like Mr. Coolidge will run on his war record.

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WILL ROGERS CELEBRATES ADJOURNMENT OF CONGRESS

BEVERLY HILLS, Cal. — March 4, 1927. Don’t ever tell us Friday is unlucky. Didn’t Congress adjourn today?

The Republicans died fighting to keep from being investigated. The voters would like to investigate both parties as to their sanity the last few weeks. And there would be no hung jury as to their decision.

The Homing Mayor.

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MAYOR WILL ROGERS OF BEVERLY FINDS DIVORCES JAM HIS OFFICE

LOS ANGELES, Cal. — March 5, 1927. Arrived home. Mayor’s office clogged with divorces. Have to get rid of some of them before we can have any new marriages.

Regards to the two Reed boys of Sixty-ninth Congress fame.

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ROGERS SAYS WE PAID SENATE FOR WISDOM AND GOT WIND

HOLLYWOOD, Cal. — March 6, 1927. I notice all newspapers call it the adjournment of the Senate. It wasn’t adjournment. They just give out. The big blow in Florida was a great local misfortune, but the big blow in the Senate was a national calamity. Even the Red Cross can’t repair their damage. We got wind where we had paid to get wisdom.

Reviewed my Police and Fire Department this morning. Boy, we got a town! We are putting an immigration quota on millionaires now, they getting too thick.

On the job, His Honor.

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ROGERS FEARS LACK OF HUMOR NOW CONGRESS HAS ADJOURNED

BEVERLY HILLS, Cal. — March 7, 1927. Well, I just seem lost for comedy since Congress adjourned. I would keep them in session the year round for my business, but I have some consideration for people, so I sacrifice my needs for the good of the country.

I don’t know where we will get our laughs from until next December, so if I am not funny it’s because I have no example.

Yours downheartedly,

William Penn Rogers.



Enid News & Eagle is republishing Will Rogers’ daily syndicated column, Daily Telegrams, in chronological order. The collection was edited and republished by Oklahoma State University Press in 1978 and under copyright of the Will Rogers Memorial Commission.