Published: November 19, 2008 12:32 am            

A sight for sore eyes

I used to be secretly amused by people who were constantly misplacing their glasses.

They would fuss about leaving their spectacles here, or there, forgotten in the pocket of a jacket hanging in their closet, nestled in a purse resting on the living room floor.

For many years I was bound to my glasses, as dependent on them as one of those old-time deep sea divers was dependent on the air hose sticking out of his funky brass helmet.

Often on cruise ships they will stage a game show called the “Newlywed and Not-So Newlywed Game.” One pair of honeymooners, one couple that has been married 10 to 20 years and one couple that has been married for anywhere from 30 to 50 years or more are selected.

The concept is much like the old “Newlywed Game” television show. The ladies are first sent off stage, then their husbands are asked a series of questions, some potentially embarrassing, some pointedly so. Then the ladies return and are asked the same questions. If their answers match, no matter how embarrassing, they get a point. Then the guys are sent off and wives are asked some questions.

One of the questions the wives are asked, invariably, is “What is the first thing your husband puts his hands on when he wakes up in the morning.” The cruise director/game show host is hoping the answer will refer to a sensitive and thus giggle-enducing part of the anatomy, either his wife’s or his own.

My bride and I have vowed never to be caught dead playing this game, but if we had, we agreed, we would at least get one question right. When asked the first thing I put my hands on when I woke up in the morning, we would answer, “my/his glasses.”

I used to be so blind I would put them in the same place every night so I could easily find them the next day. If they were ever moved, I was like a man adrift in an angry sea.

No longer.

A month ago I had a cataract removed from my left eye and replaced with a new, prescription-ground lens. Monday the process was repeated with my right eye.

Tuesday morning the protective guard was removed and I was confronted by the new state of my vision. The sensation was a bit dizzying, as the left eye that had been carrying the load trying to overcome my terribly nearsighted right oculus suddenly had to begin working as part of a team again.

For the past month I have been adjusting to life without constantly needing glasses. Occasionally I will reach up toward my face to adjust my glasses, only to remember they are no longer there.

And I have begun forgetting my reading glasses, which will be a part of my life from now on. I was told to bring my reading glasses with me so I could fill out some forms prior to Monday’s surgery, so I dutifully rounded up the glasses case and stuck it in my pocket. When I was handed the forms I reached for the case, opened it and discovered it empty. I had left my glasses on the dresser. I hope I signed for the right operation.

Being freed from glasses is nowhere near as important as tossing aside crutches as the result of an operation, for instance, but it is a milestone nonetheless.

I can now walk around with my sunglasses up on the bill of my ballcap. Had I tried to do that before I would have walked into a wall, or worse.

My right eye is not as strong as I would like it to be, but the doctor was pleased with my progress not 24 hours after surgery. The vision in my left eye, by the way, has gone from 20-ridiculous to 20-15 just a month after surgery.

Riding home after the post-operative doctor’s visit, marveling at the beauty of life outside the car windows without the aid for glasses, I encountered a slight problem, but one I can live with.

My darn eyes kept watering.



Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle.