Published: March 29, 2008 11:07 pm         

Hola, Raul, can you hear me now?

Haven’t the people of Cuba suffered enough?

Since Fidel Castro led the 1959 revolution, Cubans have suffered under the yolk of communism. That has led to economic hardship, including shortages of basic goods like food, clothing and household amenities.

The trade embargo imposed on Cuba by the U.S. in the wake of the revolution has left many residents still driving American cars from the 1950s, keeping them running with homemade parts and ingenuity.

There was a glimmer of hope the lives of Cubans might improve somewhat when Fidel stepped down as president of Cuba earlier this year, turning the reins over to his brother, Raul.

Alas, it is not to be.

Raul Castro on Friday issued a decree that will cause untold headaches for the Cuban people.

He is letting them have cell phones.

On the surface, this would seem just the kind of loosening of the chains on oppression many Cuba observers had hoped for, but consider the larger implications.

First, the decree means the only phone company in Cuba, Empresa de Telecomunicaciones de Cuba S.A., or ETECSA, for short, can offer ordinary Cubans prepaid contracts for cell phones. Of course, the contracts must be paid in Cuban Convertible Pesos, which primarily are geared toward tourists and other foreigners and are worth 24 times the plain old pesos in which most Cubans are paid.

Given the fact most Cubans make only 408 Cuban pesos per month (a little less than $20), cell phones will be beyond the financial reach of most ordinary citizens. But just try telling that to their teenagers.

The first thing you know the kid next door will have one, or the kid down the block and, boom, suddenly every teenager in the neighborhood will be bugging their parents for a cell phone.

Then, of course, Cuban parents who bow under the unrelenting pressure of teenage whining will have to purchase a plan including unlimited text messaging, since today’s teens are apparently born with the ability to text in their sleep.

And speaking of sleep, Cuba’s new cell phone customers can just forget about taking afternoon siestas. No sooner will they drop off to sleep than their phone will begin bleeping, blooping or playing “Himmo de Bayamo,” the Cuban national anthem.

The peaceful way of life in Cuba will be a thing of the past. Suddenly there will be people chattering on every street corner, on every sea wall, in every sidewalk cafe, even in the stalls of public banos.

No longer will the Cuban people be able to walk past someone on the street and say to themselves, with certainty, “That guy is crazy because he is talking to himself.” Is he crazy, or is he using one of those infernal hands-free devices? Perhaps both.

No longer will Cuban couples be seen staring deeply into each other’s eyes as they salsa across the dance floor in some Havana nightclub. They’ll each be on their cells, probably not talking to each other.

Cell phones could be hazardous to the health of some Cubans. Imagine average Joe Cuban standing close to the stage while Raul is delivering one of the brief, concise four-hour speeches for which Fidel was so famous, when all of a sudden “Baby Got Back” begins blaring from the cell phone clipped to his belt. What’s the Spanish word for gulag, anyway?

Of course, perhaps this new cell phone rule will turn out to be the last straw for the beleaguered Cuban people. Perhaps they can use their phones to organize themselves into a new revolution, to finally push the communists from power.

They can, that is, if their calls don’t get dropped.



Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle.