Published: May 07, 2008 12:34 am            

Tact saves feelings, preserves dignity

How tactful are you? Think about it.

We all have known people who were so tactful they could tell us we are ugly, fat and stupid and we would just smile and think they were giving us a nice compliment. These people are few and far between. But their handling of the language is tactfulness. They use kindness and loving care in telling us what we should know about ourselves.

Most of us lack that kind of diplomacy. We just tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they may. That does not make one very popular with others, nor well liked. In fact, it can cause real hurt feelings.

My friend, Merry Mary, recently has started going to my wonderful hairdresser and friend, Sandy. Sandy has changed her telephone number to a private number and I shared it with Merry Mary. On one occasion recently, I asked Merry Mary if she had lost Sandy’s phone number. I did not mean she needed attention to her hair, I just was inquiring. Thank heavens, Merry Mary knows me well enough to know I was not hinting she get her hair done. We laugh about it but the remark did lack tact. In fact it was a thoughtless remark, and I am sorry.

Tact can be developed and cultivated. It simply takes practice and thinking before we speak. We need to sort out our choice of words before we blurt them out. We need to treat others like we would like to be treated and we want our words to be sweet, because sometime we may have to eat them.

So much more is accomplished by asking than by telling someone something. All of us like to be asked to do a task rather than told we have to do it. My mother used poise when she wanted us to do something. She would even ask us if we were ready to get up in the morning. Of course we weren’t ready to crawl out from under the covers, but the way she asked us so kindly made us want to rise and shine and face the day. I wish I were as kind with my words as she always was.

I can never recall a time when my mother yelled at me. She may have and I have just forgotten, but it seems like she always just quietly asked. I am sure there were many, many times I deserved being yelled at or needed a stern talk, but it never came from her.

People with self-respect and pride are considerate of other people. Whether one serves in a humble capacity or as a CEO, a friendship can be formed by simple kindness and respect and tact. Often one simple expression of appreciation will bring lots of joy into an otherwise dreary existence. We just never know. A simple act of kindness or thoughtfulness can go a long way toward making life worth living.

If every person in the world would be thoughtful and kind and just do all that was in their power each day for the people they come in contact with, whether co-workers or friends, the entire world would be at peace. That really is all tact is. It is just thinking first about the other person’s feelings. It is consideration of what we tell them and how we express ourselves with no malice intended. Tact saves feelings and preserves dignity.

Jim is very tactful. In fact, all his buddies in the Marine Corps said he was known as the “peacemaker.” He does think before he speaks. If I cook something he really doesn’t like, he doesn’t say much other than to compliment me on something he likes better. He will say, “I don’t think this cake is quite as good as that chocolate cake you make,” or something similar. I get the message and he has saved my feelings. I could certainly take lessons from him. I would be much happier and my friends would be happier and I would have to eat a lot less crow than I do.

We were in exercise class at Senior Life Network last week doing exercises for posture and stretching our backs. Deb, our instructor, remarked we had good posture already but a certain stretch might help us. Now, that is tact! She could have said, “Boy, do you need this exercise as you slouch all the time and look like you are looking for money on the ground,” but she didn’t. She encouraged us by giving us compliments and accentuating the positive. Those words of encouragement and caring are what tact is all about. I told her she was so diplomatic I was writing my next column about tact. It almost is a lost art. So many people fail to be kind and considerate and supportive. Everyone in that class is so helpful and encouraging.

Tact is getting a point across without stabbing someone with it.

My younger brother is the most tactful and diplomatic person I know in the world. He was one of the executors and administrators of our daddy’s and mother’s estate, which was quite involved with all the land and all us kids. Bill presided over all the family meetings with such finesse and diplomacy and efficiency I was in awe of his presentations. He never raised his voice and never hurt anyone’s feelings and never played favorites. Right is right, and he conducted his meetings with that attitude. Consequently, our family of seven kids with spouses and kids is all intact. That in itself must be some kind of record. Daddy left everything in writing what he wanted and knew enough to elect Bill as one of the executors, because Bill had Mother’s tact and thoughtfulness and fairness.

My friend from Jim’s exercise — Sue — has very tactfully reminded me and asked me about this recipe for fried strawberries. We first ate fried strawberries when Jim and I went to Taos, N.M., on a vacation several years ago. His sister told us to be sure and eat fried strawberries in Taos and told us just where to find them. We went down a secluded alleyway to find an outdoor cafe with an arbor to protect the customers. The place didn’t look too fancy, but the food was absolutely wonderful. They served the strawberries over cinnamon-crispy tortillas with whipped cream; I serve them over vanilla ice cream. Enjoy!



Fried Strawberries



1 pound fresh strawberries, hulled and halved lengthwise

4 tablespoons sugar

1⁄2 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon grated orange peel

1 tablespoon olive oil

Heat oil in sauce pan. Add strawberries, sugar, cinnamon and orange peel. Cook over high heat about two minutes, until berries soften and juice is released. Serve warm over ice cream.



Send your comments to: Peggy Goodrich, Food For Thought, P.O. Box 1192, Enid, OK 73702.