Published: June 13, 2008 11:14 pm            

Languages of love

My pastor, Brad Mendenhall, is in the middle of a sermon series titled “Life University: Effective Relationships.” He notes the object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the people you love. Love is a choice, and our actions need to precede our emotions.

A few weeks ago, his message was on “The Five Love Languages.” So, I thought it would be fun to explore this and see if you can find your primary “love language,” or that of your spouse, child, co-worker, friend, etc.

What are the five love languages anyway? Is it something I can do or even want to do? Do I have to be married to have a love language, or will anybody do? This could get complicated, folks. I think the most important thing we need to remember is it’s not always about us and what pushes our buttons, rather it’s the primary love language of others and their buttons that are at question here. So, let’s get on with the show. 

1. Words of affirmation — Do we use our words to build up or to tear down? Do we verbally appreciate others by complimenting them, speaking kind words or even writing words of encouragement?

“The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21)

If words of affirmation are your primary love language, you will (A) tend to not care for generalities but prefer detailed, specific compliment or (B) get deeply wounded by critical words.

Your challenge for this week, should you choose to accept it: Return no verbal criticism or actions to anything others may say or do. Just tell them all the things you like or love about them.

2. Quality time — Give someone your undivided attention.

A few ways to express your love through quality time may be to let them know being with them is the most important thing to you, even though you know you have 1,000 other things on your to-do list. Allow them to talk without interruption, with a genuine desire to understand their feelings, thoughts and desires. It’s all about being and staying focused on them until the conversation is complete. Do things and go places they desire, with a right attitude. Just be together.

If quality time is your primary love language, you tend to (A) get easily upset when your conversation is interrupted or (B) get jealous when you feel like someone is getting more of your spouse’s time than you are.

Your challenge: Set a date night or designated time together once a week with the people you care about.

3. Receiving gifts — Gifts given at an impromptu time, as well as birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc., speak volumes and lets others know you are thinking about them. It’s an expression of love with no price tag attached.

You know receiving gifts is your primary love language if you (A) get hurt when someone forgets to get you something on a special occasion or (B) fish to see if people remember your special dates.

Your challenge for this week: Let others know what you want, give them a list and remind them, if necessary.

4. Acts of service — Doing things you know would bless others, even if you have to hire it done, is an act of service. Such acts include have supper ready, gas the car, help with the housework, clean the garage, pickup after yourself, take the kids for a while … this one is loaded!

You know acts of service is your primary love language if you tend to (A) be bothered and frustrated if things are not done, (B) connect your family’s love with what they do around the house or (C) continually gripe about your family not helping. Remember, love doesn’t demand, love makes request.

Your challenge: Do things for others with a great attitude. Ask what they would like to have done and proceed!

5. Physical touch — Holding hands, sitting close, kissing, embracing, intimacy, a hug, as well as just being with that person, falls into this category. What is a love touch to one may not be to the other. Giving a kiss or hug each time you leave, or when you arrive, can made the difference. If your spouse is high on physical touch, sit close to one another, reach out and touch him or her, give a back rub or massage and never turn them away.

You know if physical touch is your primary love language if you tend to (A) reach out for your spouse when together or (B) enjoy being together.

Your challenge for this week, should you decide to accept it: Reach out and touch more, be playful and give lots of hugs.

Have you discovered your love language yet? I’ll give you a clue. It’s something that tends to come natural. More importantly, discover the love language of others, especially your spouse, and life can be oh so grand.

Remember, hurt feelings close our spirit, making it hard to participate in any love language. And that, my friends, can be costly. So, hold a hand, give a hug and speak a few words of affirmation to those around you. You’ll be glad you did.

Keep the faith and worship somewhere tomorrow.



Sorrels is News & Eagle editorial assistant.